Where Does It Hurt? (Part 2) Just Trust and Obey

I sat Indian style on my bed and bent forward with my phone against my left ear, my right hand cradled my forehead. Tears washed over my legs as I sobbed and listened without hope to the voice on the other end of the phone. It was my sister-in-law who was married to my husband's brother. If anyone understood my situation, she was the one. Her situation was horrible in a different way, but our husbands were mean and cruel for the same reasons. Their upbringing had taught them, and they had learned well. I had, once again, found myself telling her everything that had happened since she and I had last spoken, and it was enough to set off another binge of tears and self-pity.

She had spent a bit of time trying to console me and commiserate with me, but nothing she had said had made any difference. My situation with my husband was hopeless, and she knew it as well as I did. We both had miserable marriages, and we both felt compelled to stick it out; her for the kids, me, well I wasn't sure why I stayed. All I knew was I needed to stay. I kept telling myself that somehow I could make him change. It was all my fault because I said things that made him mad. I needed to stop doing that, and then he would change and everything would be fine. But, the mental anguish that my husband put me through was breaking me. His brothers all beat their wives, and mine had hit me once. He ended up in jail for it, and he never hit me again, ever. But he didn't have to when he knew so many ways to mentally torture me.

My sister-in-law was a Christian. I was a fairly new Christian at the time, having accepted Christ just two or three years before. Actually, I did know why I stayed with him.  I can't explain it, but even at such an early stage of my spiritual walk I knew that God was telling me to stay. He didn't want me to leave, and that fact, and the fact that my husband just seemed to be getting worse and worse, boggled my mind. Why would a loving God want me to live like this?

I dried my eyes, calmed my spirit, and listened as she asked me a question that would echo over and over in my mind for years. She asked me, "What if he never changes? Have you ever thought about that?" I sat on my bed stunned. Of course I'd thought about it. But, when you hear someone else put it in words, out loud, it was totally different. It meant that, yes, it really could happen. "You need to answer that question to yourself," she continued. "You have to decide. Are you willing to live like this for the rest of your life?"

What that meant to me was clear. Was I willing to obey God when I knew that my life would be hell on earth? Or was the pain too overwhelming? Would I have to leave to save my sanity? Was it God or me? It came down to God or me.

From that day on I trusted God one day at a time. Some days were good. Some days I thought I couldn't make it, but I did. I didn't know what would happen tomorrow, but He had gotten me through today, so I trusted Him. Those were the most miserable and horrific days of my life.

Ron and Shirley Schmuck

I didn't know it then, but because I obeyed the Father, because I trusted Him and lived each day for Him, He was honoring my trust and obedience as I struggled through the years. He was changing that horrible man a little at a time. My husband fought with all his might at times, but God doesn't give up on us. He knew what a kind and thoughtful husband he could be, and He was sculpting a precious wonder of a man.

God never quits on us, and if we are faithful to Him, He has so many marvelous things awaiting us down the line. But we must be patient. We must never doubt the Father, and we must accept the bad with the good, realizing that it shapes us and makes us stronger. Yes, He had great plans for my husband and me. It took us years to work it out, and we still have our moments when things aren't right with us. But we are both committed to one another, committed to our marriage. We have fun together, and I have a wonderful and kind husband. And yes, the pain was worth it.